Hope n’ Change

The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave

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The party’s over. America has yawned theatrically, made a show of looking at our watch, gathered up the empty glasses and snack bowls, put them into the sink to soak, and started talking very pointedly about how early we have to get up tomorrow to put in a full day’s work. Hint, hint.

But Barack Obama, who has been partying in our house for 8 years, isn’t picking up on our subtle message that he should just get the hell out already. Which is why he went to Chicago yesterday to deliver his long-awaited farewell address. And we’re talking very long-awaited; personally, we’ve been awaiting for this skeevy socialist race-baiter to say farewell ever since his inauguration.

Not that we watched his actual speech, of course.  Everything about him – his haughtily uplifted chin, sneering arrogance, monomaniacal self-absorption, and lecturing tone of voice – sickens us and raises our blood pressure to dangerous levels. And we’re not about to risk an aneurysm with only days to go.

But according to pre-speech comments from Valerie “I heart Iran” Jarrett, “It’s not a victory lap speech. His intention is to motivate people to want to get involved and fight for their democracy.”

Coming from someone else, we’d take that as metaphor – but we’re pretty sure that Valerie and Barry mean real fighting of the type they’ve encouraged in the past, with rioting, looting, molotov cocktails, and shrieking lunatics attacking police vehicles.

According to Josh Earnest (which is a phrase that Hope n’ Change is really looking forward to never writing again), the crux of Barry’s speech will be on “what the president believes is necessary for us to confront the challenges that lie ahead.”

Great. So Obama’s advice is going to be “fighting” and “confrontation” to hamper the efforts of the newly-elected President as he tries to restore prosperity and genuine hope to America in the aftermath of a two-term disaster.

But what else would we expect from a man whose every action has been intended to leave the country in worse shape than he found it? A goal which, sadly, is likely to stand as his one actual accomplishment.

BONUS: STREEP TEASE

Speaking of “Oh, STFU”…

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Now we know what Al Jolson would have looked like in color.
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