Laissez le bon temps rouler

For those who are contemplating a move south of the Rappahannock River, this translating dictionary should prove invaluable. The farther south one moves the more one appreciates this gem.

  • BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
  • JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”
  • MUNTS – noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.”
  • IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Auburn Alumni.” Usage: “Them two boys sure are ignert!”
  • RANCH – noun. A tool. Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
  • ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”
  • FAR – noun. A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
  • BAHS – noun. A supervisor. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
  • TAR – noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
  • TIRE – noun. A tall monument. Usage: “I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”
  • HOT – noun. A blood-pumping organ.
  • HOD – adverb. Not easy. Usage: “A broken hot is hod to fix.”
  • RETARD – Verb. To stop working. Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65.”
  • TARRED – adverb. Exhausted. Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”
  • RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: “We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.”
  • LOT – adjective. Luminescent. Usage: “I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.”
  • FARN – adjective. Not local. Usage: “I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.”
  • DID – adjective. Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
  • EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: “He can’t breathe … give ’em some ear!”
  • BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
  • JU-HERE – a question. Usage: “Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys’ coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?”
  • HAZE – a contraction. Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah … haze ignert.”
  • SEED – verb, past tense.
  • VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City … view?”
  • HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action. Usage: “Kin I heavy dew me a favor?”
  • GUMMIT – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. (often preceeded by the Southern word “dad”) Usage: “Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!”
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