Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Atomic Ache


“Hey Bill, is that a missile in your pocket or are you glad to see me?”

Nothing says “Monday” quite like the threat of imminent nuclear destruction from a diminutive, family-murdering psychopath. In this case, we’re referring to North Korea’s Kim Jong-un (also known as the “Pillsbury Dough Boy of Death”) who has declared that if a “single bullet is fired” by U.S. forces in Korea, they will nuke us into oblivion.

Even with a famously calm, cautious, and cool-headed President like Donald Trump delicately handling the crisis, it is at least a little bit worrisome to contemplate North Korea’s desire to wreak havoc on our nation and the world. Especially since they could quite possibly pull it off, thanks to our old friends Bill and Hillary Clinton.

As you may recall if you don’t get all your news from mainstream media, Hillary “That Glass Ceiling Is Thicker Than It Looks” Clinton and her husband raised tens of millions of dollars for their (ahem) “charitable foundation” by peddling State Department access and favors, as well as signing off on highly questionable deals like selling 20% of America’s uranium reserves to Russia.

But this was hardly new behavior for the gruesome twosome. Way back in 1996, when the Clintons were actually renting out the Lincoln bedroom for sleazy celebrity romps in return for campaign contributions, Bill struck a controversial deal (again for hefty campaign donations) to let the Loral Corporation sell advanced missile guidance technology to China.

After which, in a spontaneous burst of unbridled capitalism, China sold the technology to the lunatics running North Korea – a terrifying and entirely predictable outcome which the Clintons didn’t give a flying damn about as long as their illicit checks cleared. Some things never change.

And are Hillary’s supporters outraged over this? They are not – and probably wouldn’t be even if they’d heard of this existential nuclear threat and the attendant scandals (which they haven’t). Instead, they spent the weekend in breathless distress over reports that climate change could cause mammals to shrink by as much as 15%.

In this nightmarish scenario, horses would become the size of slightly smaller horses, Great Danes would become the size of regular Danes, and the average sociopathic asshole would be exactly the size of Kim Jong-un.

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