Math, logic and the real world

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly ….. mathematical viewpoint.. and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K looks like this. 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E also appears as 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E makes it entrée thus. 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

However, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T shows up as 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!

Saturday Night at the Senior Home

All looked forward to the weekly entertainment and especially a new guest…

The Hypnotist at a Senior’s Home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. “Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. “I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. “It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting “Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. They were hypnotized. And then, suddenly, the chain broke. The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact”

“SHIT” said Claude.

It took them three days to clean up the Senior Citizens’ Center.

And, Claude was never invited back again.

Laissez le bon temps rouler

It’s possible that this is a true story, as it is written with considerable knowledge.

The king wanted to go fishing. He called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.

The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days, So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.

Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him.”

So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.”

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.

Thus, the symbol for Democrats was born!

Ruminations of life’s turns

One needs to observe the thought processes that differentiate the male and female mind. Not doing this produces some awkward and lasting events.
Take the misconstrued word altering this condition.

Celibacy

What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men.
“Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”

Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
“Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”

And thus began Frank’s life of celibacy.

A remake of a movie

A wonderful chance to take a fine movie and turn it into a better satire of current events of one corrupt Party in DC, portraying them as the loons they actually are.

Don’t bother going to the theater, catch Scott Pelly on CBS for the full blown crazies.

Snickers & Snarks

Age, it sneaks up on

you in the nastiest way.

Truly, the evil lose out in the end.

Laissez le bon temps rouler

How long have you been waiting for this to occur? All the clangor from the Jackass Party an the Marxists (a redundancy) finally forced the issue.