Laissez le bon temps rouler

Show and Tell

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies
saved. Finally, only Janie was left.

The teacher asked: “Janie, do you have a story to share?”

”Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol (until she ran out of bullets),
killed four more with the knife (till the blade broke), and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

”Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

“Stay away from Mommy when she’s been drinking.

Peccable reflections

In today’s loose society, one seldom comes across the ole fashioned modest bikini bottom. Here is proof that such morality still exist. The imagery is for education and enlightenment only.

Laissez le bon temps rouler

If you haven’t been either the plaintiff of the defendant in court, this depth of this nuttiness might not reach you. These make “Night Court”, that TV show of long gone sane. This covers the Yuppies to the MD’s in the chair.

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Peccable reflections

Daily Insanity

Daily Insanity

My other half bought me Nike, said they were expensive. So much for price anyway.

I took them back, asked for a refund. The manager came over and wanted to know why I was returning them.

I told him they made my feet hurt when I stood for the National Anthem.
He had a sour look on his face.

Here goes another candidate’s chance…

…at a SCOTUS appointment.

When will they ever learn to avoid a #MeToo moment.

Word Play

• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.
• Every calendar’s days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.

Penury for the Poobahs

We filed this under “Good News” and “Condign Desserts”.

10K New York City Employees Stop Paying Big Labor Fees After Janus Ruling

The New York Post recently reported that more than 10,000 New York City employees decided that they actually did not want to pay money towards their previously forced monopoly bargaining representatives. These workers were freed from paying forced union dues by a 5-4 Supreme Court ruling in Janus v. AFSCME which declared that forced public sector union fees are a violation of the First Amendment.

According to the New York Post, this resulted in nearly a quarter million worth of union fees being subtracted from the hands of Big Labor.

via New York Post:

“City records show that there were 314,770 city workers paying union dues prior to the Janus v. AFSCME ruling on June 27 that found government workers can’t be forced to pay dues to unions that represent them in collective bargaining.

By the first July pay period following the decision, the number dropped by 10,328 – or 3 percent – to 304,442.

That cost the unions about $250,000 for that two-week period.” [snip]

Critics will argue the mass exodus of workers leaving unions, but still maintaining whatever supposed benefits unions earned on their behalf are creating a “free rider” problem. But, pro-right to work individuals would assert that the only reason unions are forced to cover all employees in a bargaining unit is because union representatives often fight for monopoly representation in the first place.

Idiot’s Corner

The silly actions of a weather flack for “The Weather Channel” prove once more there is fake news. And if Florence is/was so dangerous, why were these bozos allowed to be out there. All this from the fools that believe in Climate Change; they had this storm wrong from the beginning.
The only time frame that is accurate is about 48 hours out. But that wouldn’t give these wannabe Shakespearean actors a chance to perform.

Weatherman dramatically braces for Hurricane Florence while 2 guys casually stroll by

As Hurricane Florence continues to wreak havoc on the Carolinas, weather people and storm chasers are heading as close as they can to the eye of the storm without putting themselves in danger.

One such meteorologist was caught on camera bracing for the storm … a little too intensely.