Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Equal Deployment Opportunity

A significant number of ISIS fighters became WASWAS fighters yesterday, after finding themselves on the receiving end of the United States’ “Mother Of All Bombs” – the 21,000 pound MOAB which is our largest non-nuclear armament. It had never previously been used in combat, because our previous president was better known for deploying “the mother of all jeans” when dressing casually.

The bomb, the destructive power of which can not be described without using a lengthy chain of expletives, took out a tunnel complex in Nangahar province, Afghanistan. Perhaps not coincidentally, this is the same area where a member of our special forces, Staff Sgt Mark De Alencar, was tragically killed in action only days ago.

In other words, this is the very definition of the Trump administration “sending a clear message.”

And not just to ISIS. It seems reasonable to think that preposterously gigantic explosions that turn America’s enemies into pink mist might also be raising eyebrows in Syria, North Korea, Russia, Iran, and über-liberal parts of California.

By the way, when we heard that the “Mother of All Bombs” had been dropped from an aircraft, we were tempted to make a joke about Hillary Clinton being ejected by United Airlines mid-flight. But we didn’t because it was too easy.

Not to mention, too cruel a thing to do to ISIS.

 

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Flight Schooled

Truth be told, we don’t really give a rat’s rear end about the story of the guy dragged off the United flight, but we couldn’t resist the mental image of Barry being dragged down an aisle while kicking, biting, scratching, weeping, and…as long as we’re enjoying our fantasy…wetting himself.

As far as the actual story goes, the details keep changing – but it seems safe to say that the gentleman pulled from the plane had voluntarily entered the “asshole zone” by not leaving his seat without a fight (hint: when people with guns ask you to do something on a plane, it’s a good idea to do it).

And frankly, the only reason that this is a story is because people got video of the last, most colorful moments of the confrontation…and it’s proved to be more interesting on the vast brainless platforms of social media than other current news stories like, oh, impending nuclear war.

We live in strange and frighteningly superficial times.

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Hit and Misogyny
While today’s cartoon might appear to be a clear example of blatant misogyny, it is actually “meta” misogyny which celebrates and empowers women by ironically mocking those who would mischaracterize misogyny for their own political benefit. Like this bitch, for instance.

Again, “meta” misogyny in the service of humor! Jon Swift (the author of the seminal work on politics, “Gullible’s Travails”) would totally be high-fiving us about now.

The (ahem) “news” story, if you were lucky enough to have missed it, is that Hillary Clinton has returned from 40 years of God-ordained wandering in the wilderness, fasting and having religious visions, to face the cold hard facts about her election loss. And according to Hillary, those facts are that the Russians magically hacked the election, FBI Director James Comey was a suicide bomber, and everybody in America – including women – hates women.

“Certainly misogyny played a role,” the bitter, garishly-dressed, stringy-haired old woman whined, “That just has to be admitted.”

Well, no, it doesn’t have to be admitted. There are female leaders all over the world, and countless women in positions of authority – including governmental authority – here in the United States. So it seems likely that Hillary’s unpopularity isn’t so much linked to her gender as it is tied to her long history of being a horrible human being, serial liar, inept politician, rape enabler, and thief.

All of which might become clear to Hillary if, instead of looking for answers in a “glass ceiling,” she looked for them in a mirror.

BONUS: STICKING HIS NECK OUT

Meanwhile, as the clock ticks on Syria, Russia, Iran, and North Korea…

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Enjoying A Little Nukie

History was made yesterday when, for the first time since our nation became a nation, Democrats filibustered an exemplary Supreme Court Nominee because – and we’ve got plenty of political scientists and analysts to back us up on this – they’re complete and total assholes.

The only way around this epic act of douchebaggery was for Senate Republicans to invoke the so-called “nuclear option,” which – disappointingly – did not require inviting Democrats to “a picnic and special surprise” in the remotest corner of Nevada while a gleeful Donald Trump punched their coordinates into his suitcase nuclear launch device.

Rather, it involved changing Senate rules to allow a Supreme Court nominee to be confirmed with a simple majority of 51 votes, rather than requiring the 60 votes which has traditionally been the standard. And under this rule, we should see standout nominee Judge Gorsuch confirmed for the Supreme Court sometime today.

We would say that the Democrats are losing their freaking minds over this, only that ship sailed a long time ago.

And while we’re not wild about this change in Senate rules (which will give additional power to the Democrats next time they’re in charge), we think some form of “nuking the Democrats” (metaphorically speaking) might as well become our nation’s default policy for the next four years.

Shut them up, shut them out, and shut them down. 

And if they make a stink, we just put our blast goggles back on and ka-BLOOEY! Because if, within our own halls of government, we can’t find a little peace in our time…we’ll settle for little pieces.

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Dirty Rice

Burn, baby, burn.

It now appears that one of the chief mischief-makers behind the surveillance and information leaks related to the Trump administration is Obama crony and serial liar Susan Rice. According to a growing number of reports, she asked intelligence agencies to break with traditional policies and tell her the names of Trump associates who were (ahem) “accidentally” caught on surveillance tapes, as well as the content of their conversations.

This would, of course, only be a problem if Ms. Rice was a reprehensible person working in cahoots with a cabal of Machiavellian anti-Americans who intended to use the information for political purposes. In other words, this is one hell of a problem.

Rice has adamantly declared that she did nothing wrong, adding “I leaked nothing to nobody.” Which, by the inflexible rules pertaining to the use of double negatives, means that she leaked everything to everybody.  No doubt with considerable help from Barack Obama, who spontaneously (why does that word keep coming up in association with Susan Rice?) changed the rules pertaining to inter-agency sharing of raw intelligence just before leaving office in order to ensure as much damage to the incoming Trump administration as possible.

And speaking of Barry, just where is he while all this damning information is coming out…?

AND FROM THE VAULT…

When it comes to forgiving and forgetting, we don’t do either.

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Captions Courageous

Surprise! It’s another Earwigs day, because there’s still nothing particularly compelling in the news, and here in north Texas we’ve got an all-day soaking rain going on that is lulling us into a coma. And yes, we still blame Daylight Saving Time.

And just for the fun of it, here are the “April Fool’s Day” stories that we ran on Facebook. Not that these stories look much different than all the other fake news out there…

  Bonus: MSNBC fans can bid for the rubber glove on eBay!

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Friday Foolishness

One of the primary ways that Stilton’s Place is different from Hope n’ Change Cartoons is that we’ve given ourselves permission to “just blow it off” when the news is unappealing or the wind (for whatever reasons) simply fails to fill our sails.

But we’re not going to deny you, the dear reader, at least a spot of levity just because we’re sick of the blah-blah-blah about Trump vs the Freedom Caucus, Russian hackers vs the DNC, and Maxine Waters vs a Stylish Hairdo (hey, if she wants to support “Habitat for Black Widow Spiders” it’s her business).

Anyway, that’s why the Earwigs cartoon is lurking above. As we mentioned in our penultimate post over at Hope n’ Change, we make Earwigs cartoons (though have not previously published any) as a fun writing exercise and misguided hobby. We basically find a piece of odd old clipart, and then try to spin off as many different punchlines as possible.

While this is mostly just for fun, we fully intend to self-publish a book of these things at some point, and declare it to be the world’s first interactive cartoon book. Specifically because you can highlight your favorite captions and then claim co-authorship when you display the newly-personalized book in the bathroom for guests, family members, and visiting clergy to read.

We’d be tempted to run a Kickstarter campaign to fund the creation of this book, only we can probably complete the whole project for a total cost of about $13.99.

Which, by remarkable coincidence, is exactly the cost of a plastic jug of Clan MacGregor alleged scotch!