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In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

~ Groucho Marx

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You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

~ Henny Youngman

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

~ Henny Youngman

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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

~ Henny Youngman

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

~ Henny Youngman

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When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

~ Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

~ Henny Youngman