Ponder this

We seek to protect and preserve life for life’s own sake in everything from our most fundamental laws of homicide to our road traffic regulations to our largest governmental programs for health and social security.

~ Neil Gorsuch>

Day by Day

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Snakes Smear in the Park

New York’s well-funded (including with tax money) “Shakespeare in the Park” company recently staged a modern day retelling of Julius Caesar in which the title character is depicted as President Trump – causing liberal glee when he’s graphically and bloodily assassinated onstage by knife-wielding maniacs of the type that recently staged a similar production on London Bridge.

What a fun family outing, huh? And how better to introduce kids to Shakespeare than by making it “fun” with the repeated stabbing of an American President?!

Critics on the Left (are there any other kind?) say that conservatives and fly-over peasants are being over-sensitive about this brilliant restaging and maybe they’re right. Which is why, in the interest of “Making Theater Great Again,” we’d like to suggest some other adaptations which might please those same critics and stimulate sophisticated cocktail conversations after an outdoor evening with the Bard.

We’ve already handled “Hamlet” in the cartoon above, though we’re a little worried that such a production might prompt n-word spouting “comic” Bill Maher to refer to it as “Spear Shaker in the Park.” Does the man’s racism know no bounds?!

Still, it’s hard to envision the theater company going wrong with portraying Lady Macbeth as a wildly demented and blood-stained Hillary Clinton. And imagine how delightful “Romeo & Juliet” would be starring lookalikes for Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in the title roles? Talk about your (Ken) Starr-crossed lovers! And seriously, the multiple death scenes at the play’s end (oops, spoiler alert) would bring cheering audiences to their feet!

To show that we’re good sports, we’ll let the “Shakespeare in the Park” folks use any or all of these ideas to help them show their devotion to diversity of opinion in the arts, and to inject a little blood into their centuries-old productions which isn’t that of a sitting President. [snip]

Day by Day

Day by Day

Saturday Night at the Senior Home

All looked forward to the weekly entertainment and especially a new guest…

The Hypnotist at a Senior’s Home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. “Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. “I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. “It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting “Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. They were hypnotized. And then, suddenly, the chain broke. The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact”

“SHIT” said Claude.

It took them three days to clean up the Senior Citizens’ Center.

And, Claude was never invited back again.

Stilton’s Place

Stilton’s Place

Glasses Half Fooled

Okay, we’ll admit that the cartoon above – while entirely accurate – was more or less thrown together under time pressure after we visited the eye doctor today (and wore the contraption shown above) because it had been a few years since we last updated our eyeglass prescription, and apparently we’re supposed to be able to read actual words on street signs. Who knew?

Because we have a wretchedly expensive Obamacare policy which covers our non-existent ovaries but not our actual eyeballs, we went to the optometrist at Sam’s Club (who is genuinely excellent) and got everything checked out for $60 cash. And we left with prescriptions for glasses (distance and reading) which we’ll fill online at Zenni.com for about $25 a pair.  This is called “the free market.”

Of course, the visit had its moments of drama. Our eyeballs were diagnosed with “map-dot fingerprint dystrophy,” which sounds like we should get disability payments, handicapped parking, and perhaps be the subject of a tear-jerking TV movie.

Not that the Internet is going to help with any of that, what with them describing our heartrending affliction as one which “usually resolves completely with no loss of vision and in fact, many cases are not severe enough for the patient to recognize that there is something wrong. No treatment is typically necessary.”

On the other hand, the doctor did casually mention that if we rub our peepers too hard when feeling sleepy, we could literally rip the skin off the front of our eyes, exposing raw nerves and causing excruciating pain. Which is why we’ll be sleeping while wearing boxing gloves from now on.

Getting back to the mainstream media (if indeed we were ever there), the distortion and lies we’re hearing about Trump just make it impossible to mount much of a cogent commentary here. We think Trump did fine on his overseas trip – and if Angela Merkel is huffily declaring that Germany and Europe may now need to show some self-sufficiency, we say “well done, Mr. President!”

We also thought he honored Memorial Day appropriately, which was a nice change from the previous 8 years. Seriously, we always felt that the hallowed grounds of Arlington Cemetery were defiled by Obama’s presence.

And along those lines, here’s a little something we posted on Facebook on Memorial Day…

Obama, of course, laid a wreath at the Bathroom of the Unknown Gender

[snip]