Jewish Humor

Fay goes to see Rabbi Gross. “I have a problem, rabbi,” she says. “Yesterday, after yet another argument with my Ruben, he walks out on me and tells me he isn’t coming back. What I want to know, rabbi, is whether you think he will return.”

Rabbi Gross gets up, walks over to his desk and opens a large box. He flicks through some paperwork, then closes it saying, “it’s not in here.”

He then opens another large box and again flicks through some paperwork before closing it, saying “it’s not in here either.” He then opens a third large box and as he is flicking through some papers, he says, “Ah, here they are.” He then removes a pair of glasses from the box and walks back to Fay.

“Well rabbi,” asks Fay, “what do you think? Will Ruben return to me?”

Rabbi Gross puts on his glasses and stares closely at Fay for a while.
He then replies, “No Fay, I don’t think he will.”

Plane talk

Plane talk

Jewish Humor

Judith is very worried. She believes that her 16 year old daughter Talya is having sex and therefore might get pregnant. So Judith goes to see doctor Myers.

Doctor Myers tells her that teenagers today are very headstrong and any attempt to stop Talya could easily result in rebellion. And such a mother-daughter rift is something to be avoided.

“Oy, doctor,” says Judith, “so what can I do?”

“I have a suggestion to make,” replies doctor Myers. “Put Talya on a birth control programme. But first of all talk to her, and then give her a packet of condoms.”

So that evening, as Talya is getting ready to go out on her date, Judith tells her about the situation as she sees it and then hands a packet of condoms to her.

Talya instantly bursts out with laughter. “Oh mum, have you got it wrong,” she says, hugging her. “You really don’t have to worry about me getting pregnant. I’m dating Rivkah.”

Day by Day

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Hope n’ Change

The Price of Weeking Off

The Price of Weeking Off 1

Well that was silly.  Hope n’ Change tried to take a restful but productive week off, but instead we ended up posting as many cartoons as usual (just check out the “Staycation” post below) while the world enthusiastically went foam-drooling, “bibbidy-bibbidy-bibbidy” lip-diddling, howling at the moon crazy.

And on the personal front, 98% of the things we’d intended to do last week didn’t get done. It seems we stink at time management as badly as we stink at taking time off.

Regarding the stories du jour, we don’t have a lot to say about Brexit because A) we don’t know much about all the details and B) it’s our understanding that not much of a change will actually take place for a couple of years, other than C) our retirement savings getting kicked where it hurts (without benefit of an athletic cup) last Friday.

Donald Trump gave a major speech about how much Hillary Clinton stinks as a candidate and as a human being, which we enthusiastically agree with, and kicked off LyingCrookedHillary.com, making us wish we’d had the foresight to buy the domain name first. We do, however, own the domain name for DoucheNozzles.com – which we might convert into a Hillary site in the coming days.

There’s not much need for us to discuss Hillary’s email situation other than to say that scads of newly incriminating evidence seem to arise every day, but DOJ doyenne Loretta Lynch is so busy with her “Show ISIS Some Love” campaign there’s no chance she’ll file charges against the woman who gave our nation’s enemies about 1000 times more secret information than Benedict Arnold did.  (For those of you too young to have learned about Benedict Arnold, he gave away our secret of topping poached eggs with hollandaise sauce. )

The Supreme Court did a good thing by ruling that Obama absolutely exceeded his legal authority (ie, broke the freakin’ law) by stuffing our country with potentially disease-ridden illegal immigrants who are doing the important missionary work of bringing Shariah Law and sporadic bursts of terror to our shores. Of course, we’d be more impressed by the ruling if it forced Obama to do anything differently – but the SOB knows that Republicans aren’t going to seriously challenge him on immigration during this election year. Or any of the other seven years he’s been getting away with this lunacy.

The Supreme Court also declared that if there’s no other way on God’s green earth to legitimately get a black kid into a college, it’s okay to discriminate against (and perhaps viciously beat with an ax handle) anyone who has white or yellow skin, as well as those potential students with brown skin if they’re Indian or Pakistani instead of an illegal Latino.  Apparently, the Supreme Court’s definition of “diversity” is “a rich mix of those who have earned their position, and those who are absolutely clueless but are useful stereotypes.” Which is, now that we think of it, a pretty accurate description of the Supreme Court itself.

And with that being said, Hope n’ Change court is officially back in session.

Hillary

Crooked Hillary