Dining out

On the web at one time was a photo of a sign out side a Chinese restaurant saying “No ask, we no see you cat!” Obviously they were pestered by some jokers.

However in NY City, the Board of Health did close a couple of Chinese restaurants where they did find cats in the refrigerators. So there is something in the humor.

Suppose you order the house specialty, Sum Ting Yu tink and you get a wonderful arrangement of meat and vegetables from fish to maybe pork. Sated, you drink your tea, and get your fortune cookie.

And Surprise!Cat Fortune cookie

Qualifications for Office

A man walks into the Election office, says to the receptionist: “I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent candidate.

The receptionist replied, “Certainly sir, please fill out this form.”

He was filling out the form until he came to the question, “Are you circumcised?”

So he asked the receptionist “Is that question necessary?”

She replied, “If you are circumcised you are not eligible.”

He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?

She replied, “To become a politician, you have to be a complete prick!”

Laissez le bon temps rouler

IT COULD HAPPEN!!

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, ,just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.

Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the phone was still ringing – – when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it…half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer… …so, I TOLD HER!”

Day by Day

041815

Jewish Humor

The story is told of 4 older Jewish ladies who enjoyed getting together in each others’ homes.

“My son,” says Mrs. Levi, “is a Physicist and heads up a department at the University. Her friends nodded approvingly.

“My son,” says Mrs. Greenberg,”is a Doctor and is Chief of Surgery at Mt. Sinai Hospital.” You must be so proud, they said.

“My son,” says Mrs. Goldblatt, “is the head of a law firm and president of the bar association.” Again, nods all around.

“My son,” says Mrs. Cohen, “is a Rabbi.”

“A Rabbi?!” they exclaim, “What kind of career is that for a Jewish boy?”

Toon in

Buddies

Americana

Female Hormones Found In Beer

NutsyYesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.

No further testing is planned.

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