History was made this week (accompanied, at least in our imagination, by the kettle drum pounding theme from “2001: A Space Odyssey”) when mankind’s oldest ancestor met the most evolved human being on the planet.
Specifically, officials in Ethiopia brought the fossilized bones of Lucy (Australopithecus afarensis) to their national palace for Barack Obama (Halfricanus offensivus) to poke and prod with his booger-hunting finger, which should lead to some pretty confusing DNA analysis in the future.
According to scientists, Lucy, who is 3.2 million years old (but doesn’t look a day over 3.1 million), stood only about 3 feet tall, was covered with hair, had a very small brain, and could stand erect to spot predators – making it very likely that she could have negotiated a better deal with Iran.
The president asked “how many jumps” it took to go from Lucy to modern man, perhaps believing that kangaroos figured into the mix somewhere. A scientist confirmed there were “multiple generations” leading to Homo Sapiens. “And just think,” the president no doubt thought sadly, “they couldn’t even order wedding cakes until I got here.”
Obama later said of his meeting with Lucy that “we are reminded that all the people of the world are all part of the same human family.” Which should come as good news to both Planned Parenthood and democrats, since that pretty much makes every pregnancy the result of incest. [snip]