Collectivist Banking

Laural & HardyWhat a fine mess you gotten us into this time Ollie!

Ollie never managed to get a screw-up the likes of what the bankers have managed to concoct. Now they have no idea of how to unravel the mess or if they can come up with some solution, how long it will take to implement it and what will happen to the weaker members of the group if they do. One thing is sure to occur: Pain.

Anxiety Spikes Among G-20, An Analysis of UN Speeches Shows

Words like “fear” and “uncertainty” are more common than last year amid competing global crises

Syria’s civil war. North Korean nuclear tests. Brexit. Turkey’s failed coup. A volatile U.S. election. This jarring backdrop was hard to miss as world leaders stepped up to the familiar green marble dais during this week’s United Nations General Assembly.

Heads of state and government representing the world’s largest economies used words like “fear,” “uncertainty,” “risk,” and “terror” 87 percent more often on average than during last year’s gathering, according to an analysis by Adam Tiouririne, a leadership communication adviser at Logos Consulting Group.

Researchers classify this kind of language into a category of “anxiety words” that they use to analyze health outcomes and even business management. This analysis focuses on variations of 13 such words in 22 speeches covering the 10 G-20 countries whose head of state or head of government spoke the past two years, plus European Council President Donald Tusk.

Academic research has also found that such words reflect people’s actual underlying levels of stress, which may explain why U.S. President Barack Obama — who will no longer be troubled with the world’s problems after next January — is the only G-20 leader to use anxiety words less often than last year.

On the other hand French President Francois Hollande, whose country has been rocked by terrorist attacks from Paris to Nice in the past year, notched the biggest uptick, from seven anxiety words in his 2015 General Assembly speech to 30 this year. [snip]

All this money shuffling is for show. Look at who has been buying metals as a hedge against the coming currency troubles. All the big boys at the G-20, that’s who.

An’ we be edjujated too!

FoolFeed them and clothe them and send them to school and what do you get? A batch of fools who learned (so they thought) that all the glaciers are dead, killed off by the polar bears and the Sahara Forest was logged off by Bush policies. They know that Trump is responsible for hiding the head phone jack in the new iPhone7 models.

This is why everyone is drilling holes in their new phones.

Clueless iPhone 7 owners tricked into DRILLING hole in their phones to ‘get a headphone jack’

DEFINITION: Clueless is another word for Millennial.

CLUELESS iPhone 7 users have been tricked into DRILLING a hole into their phone in a bid to get a headphone jack.

A fake YouTube video claiming to show users how to get the much-missed sound input has gone viral – with many unknowing victims following its lead. [snip]

Owners have copied the video’s instructions to place the phone in a clamp and take a 3.5mm drill to where the headphone hole used to be.

Needless to say drilling a hole into your iPhone will leave you with a very broken handset – and not the promised addition.

Apple’s newest model has ditched the jack in favour of bluetooth headphones to make more room for internal hardware.

But customers have been left angry at the decision – with some taking extreme measures to bring back the old hole.

As a result some desperate viewers were duped into destroying their new handsets with the cruel DIY tip.

Furious James Ceja commented on the video: “I tried this and ended up with display destruction and it not working… I really committed the biggest mistake of my life by watching this video.”

David Iriarte added: “A friend of mine told me it worked for him, but my iPhone won’t turn on after I drilled the hole for the jack.

“I checked and it was the 3.5mm drill, so I made no mistake there! What happened? Any of you have the same problem?”

Toekneechair questioned: “Ok I am sure it’s in the comments somewhere but my friend told me to ask what size drill bit am I supposed to use?

“Also I don’t have that clamp thingy, can I or my friend hold it while we drill? I don’t want to ruin my phone.
“Thanks for all the help guys…”

This has to be one of the more uproarious occurrences appearing in the news to a group of clowns in quite a long time. Between the search for the ultimate “safe” space and the removal of all microagressions in their universe, this has to be the greatest application of heat to a snowflake in quite some time.

One can only hope that their evidentiary stupidity will prove sufficient to void any warranty offered by the company and/or purchased separately.

Day by Day




Jewish Humor

It’s census time and the Levy’s haven’t yet returned their Census form.

So a clerk from the council goes round to their house to remind them to do so. When the door opens, there stands 6 year old Sarah Levy. So the clerk says to her, “Hello little girl, is your father in?”

“No,” says Sarah, “he’s a doctor and he’s carrying out an appendectomy operation at the hospital.”

The clerk smiles and says, “Appendectomy – that’s a very big word for a little girl. Do you know what it means?”

“Of course I do,” replies Sarah, “I’m not stupid. It means £3,500 and it doesn’t include the cost of my uncle, the anaesthetist.”

Ponder this

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

~ Erma Bombeck

Sunday Toon